I think why we keep relapsing is because we forget about the pain drinking brings to our lives. It’s not when I feel shitty that I fear, it’s when I’m feeling strong, happy, and in-control. Those are the times I think “yeah, I’ll can have a glass of wine or two..”
But the fact of the matter is, I can’t be the “controlled drinker” that I know my friends and loved ones wish I could be (because ‘I’m so fun’). If I have one drink, all I do is dwell and dwell and dwell on wanting another one, to the point I can barely concentrate on what others are saying to me. It’s not worth the struggle.
For the last month I tried being a “controlled drinker”, and was moderately successful. But even in my moderate to shitty success, I learned one thing for certain.
I am not a moderate drinker. And I never will be.
And that’s ok. In fact, it’s kind of a relief to know that for certain. Instead of wondering or hoping. Nope. Not me. Not gonna happen.
Cool. So moving on. Sobriety. Let’s do this. 53rd times a charm, right?