This has easily been the most hectic week since my sobriety. I haven’t really had a chance to write here every day, though I have kept up with listening to my podcasts. It’s been tough staying strong in my emotional sobriety. They say relapse starts long before the drink hits the lips so these time when I feel weak in my sobriety worries me a tad. Doing the research and reading every day definitely helps and it’s something I am definitely planning on doing after I finish writing this.
Here are a few things I have been struggling with in my recovery:
- Focus. I am a total social media junkie and I get a quick and immediate high from checking Facebook and IG. Days that were paticularely hard was when I shared that my Elephant Journal article got published. I know I shouldn’t care what other people think or say about my success, but I can’t help but die to see what they say! It’s tough to not attach to the positive comments. While in the gym it’s been difficult staying focused on my workout.
- Non-judgemental observation of myself and others. I was doing SO WELL with this in the beginning, and now I feel like I’m losing my touch. And, because I’m losing my touch, I’m judging myself for losing my touch. And so the cycle goes.
- Staying present. I guess this could fall into the focus category. I’m having a hard time remaining present in the moment. My sense of urgency for the future has resurfaced with a vengeance. For instance, when I was at ‘The Book of Mormon’, I noticed I would already be looking forward to the next act. I had to really pull myself back to the present moment and it really helped in the second act.
- Shoulding. The world ‘should’ is sneaking back into my vocabulary! I believe this may correlate to the level of busy I’ve been.
But it’s not all bad. There have been some very positive things lately.
- My workouts and diet have improved significantly. I’m drinking protein smoothies every morning, and I have been working out diligently. I love when I’m sticking to a plan.
- Room has remained clean. It’s kind of gotten a bit messy here and there (definitely when I’m losing presence), but I’m on it sooner than I was before, and I don’t let it get as out of hand.
- Writing more regularly. I feel like my writing muscles are stronger than usual.
Bad news tho. I’m getting sick again. NOOOOOO. I can’t help but wonder if this is because I have been slipping on my spiritual sobriety. I’ve been doing the work but not with the diligence I had in the beginning. So is this my body acting out?
I might be looking too into it, but it hit my brain.
Ok. I am so exhausted and feeling the bug coming down. It’s probably time for me to hit the sack.