Day 54 -Getting back in touch with myself.

It’s time to up the ante on ‘doing the work’.

I know this because I have been feeling a bit detached and out of sorts.

First off, I didn’t really have a chance to do work while traveling. I didn’t have a chance to write or read, which is great and fine because I was fully living in the moment of the trip. And while the majority of my fundamental tools are pretty engrained by this point, there’s still something to be said about reading, writing, and rehashing them constantly so as to ensure they are vivid in my reality.

Since getting back into town I’ve barely had a moment to myself. Wait. Nix that. Since two weeks ago at the beginning of our trip, since I spend every waking moment with Meech in Zion.

I basically fell out of my groove, a groove I was grooving on good and HARD. I was finally finding my flow. My newfound love and appreciation for my mornings. Eating right, and in a way that is envornmentally sound. Working out. Finding that good balance between time with self and loved ones. ETC.

Then to go on a trip where I must part with my groove. Get outside my comfort zone. Laugh. Live free. Detatch for any sense of obligation. It was much needed.

But coming back, I love to have some time to decompress and regenerate. Get my life back together. Do laundry. Clean. Have some time alone to reflect upon and process both the physical and spiritual journey upon which I just embarked.

But I didn’t get that coming back.

I had absolutely 0 minutes to unwind.

I literally had to rush straight to work without so much as a chance to shower or do my makeup. Then I worked again the next morning. Then Karl came into town. Oh, and Meech’s friend Johnny showed up to stay with us a few nights, which has been intense. Then St. Paddy’s snowboarding. Then FNCTN. More work. Dealing with Joe, who just broke his neck and has been reaching out to me. Facing my room and house being a total mess which makes me anxious and feel unbalanced. Not having a chance to grocery shop therefore eat well. No time to workout (today will finally be my first day back in the gym).

I could tell the lack of balance was throwing me out of wack. I was feeling frustrated and my ability to process stuff was not great. The Joe thing put me in a funk yesterday because I felt like he was taking advantage of my niceness to weasel is way back into my life and good graces.

Anyways, I finally had a chunk of yesterday day to myself after everyone left the house and I hosted breakfast for Terra and Robin. I cleaned up and listened to some Recovery Elevator. I meditated on what I was grateful for and thought of how I could make someone laugh or smile that night. And when I went to work I ended up having a wonderful, laughter-filled evening at work. Yes, it was busy and stressful at moments, but overall it took me out of my funk.

I’m coming to find that often times work recharges me and really fulfills my social needs. I love and respect everyone I work with and I enjoy that I’m moving around. So for that I am very grateful.

Today, again, I have the house to myself. It felt amazing going to bed and waking up to a clean room and a zillion candles (need to buy more!).

I even noticed Thursday night I was in great spirits at FNCTN! I had a blast (sober!) and really enjoyed working/hanging out.

I’m realizing more and more then I sometimes dread or feel heavy about upcoming work, whether its for the Journal or Riva. But after it’s all said and done those things actually refresh and energize me! So I do think I will work on reframing how I look forward to these things, which I have every reason to be totally stoked on!

I realize more and more how hand-in-hand much of the moving parts of my life are. When I’m spiritually at peace, I want to eat right. I eat right I feel energized and positive. I feel energized and positive I work out. An so on. They all play their part in providing balance into my life.

So right now, what I will work on is:

  1. focusing on 1 activity at a time, wholeheartedly, without distraction.
  2. Remind myself constantly what I am grateful. Stay grateful. Be in a constant state of feeling blessed.
  3. Ponder how I can be of service to others. Think about how I can make someone laugh or smile, especially when I feel frustrated, anxious, or spiritually off-center in some way.
  4. making lots of lists so I can stay on top of my game, haha

I’m sure there’s more but those few should be good to keep me present and in harmony.



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