Day 56: Learning when to say NO.

I’m realizing that my addictive personality is trying to manifest itself in whatever it can. The part that reaches for more and more of the thing that I already have!!!

Sugar. Tea. Food.

It’s my tendency to grab for the next thing before I’ve even finished with the prior. This means I’m not being present in the moment, a moment that is already perfect and in which I ALREADY HAVE THE THING THAT I AM REACHING FOR!

So bizarre. It’s not logical at all but yet it happens all the time with me.

I’m drinking mate. No, I’m CHUGGING mate, so I can get to the next mate. Before I know it I’ve had like 5 cups. And did I enjoy any of it? Are we capable of enjoying something if we are living in the future, anticipating the next instead of being fully present with the gift of what we have already?

Dates. I have one sugary date and I’ve pretty much committed to 10.

And eating. I GOBBLE my food because my mind has already moved onto the next bite. I need to slow down my eating, be mindful of each bite.

This happened all the time with alcohol. When I was happy I wanted to drink because I was reaching to enhance that happiness. Reaching for more of what I already had.

Then drinking, and reaching for more of that feeling.

Reaching, reaching, reaching. Not presence.

I notice that when I AM mindful, I don’t need as much of the thing that I am consuming. I know when to say no and I feel good about when I do.

Perhaps taking things in with gratitude will help with this.

Peace and love.

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