The Before-Me. Who was I and why did I decide I needed to stop drinking?
- I was using alcohol to enhance almost every aspect of my life. My time with loved ones, writing, closing the restaurant, etc.
- The consequences of my drinking were getting worse. I had a few dings and such before, but within the same year I got demoted at work, got a DUI, and cheated on my boyfriend.
- I was unable to control or limit my drinking .
- I was hiding my drinking from others, and drinking in solitude.
- Even though I thought drinking enhanced my writing skills and such, deep down I knew that it was holding me back from living each day to its fullest potential.
- I was beginning to lose my grip with my hangover depression and anxiety.
- I craved alcohol around 4 pm every night, on the minute. That was the first sign of a physical addiction beginning to develop.
- I knew that if women don’t get a hold of their drinking by their late 20’s, they tend to really spiral downward in their 30s. I knew that this was my path if I didn’t take control of things.
- I didn’t like who I was when I drank. My room was messy, things were left undone, I dropped the ball with relationships and friendships, and I didn’t feel bright.
- I didn’t feel confident in my ability to complete things.
- I was anxious constantly. In the shower. In the car. I was living each day with an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. I was always stressed and overthinking things that didn’t require either.
- I had a bad attitude towards others. I would get annoyed about nothing (imaginary assumptions). I would self-sabatage in order to protect myself and my vulnerability. I was distant or disconnected in my relationships.
- Waking up each day wishing for it to be already over. Spending every waking minute dreaming of going to bed. Not being present.
- Feeling generally unmotivated to write or go to the gym or do any of the things that contribute to my quality of life. I felt sluggish and foggy.
- I was unable to manage my emotions or outlook on life.
The New-Me: Who I want to be in recovery.
- I am thriving in recovery. I feel certain and confident in my decision to not drink. It has become the natural choice.
- I wake up excited for the day. I see the beauty in the small things, take joy in mundane tasks, and feel a sense of peace. I move through the day in an effortless state of surrender.
- I am a steady pillar of light despite what happens around me. I don’t seek a calm life, but strive to maintain a calm light that is unwavering no matter what storms I pass pass through.
- I’m able to maintain consistency with my nutrition, exercise, and learning process from the Journal. I finish more analytics classes and am able to finish the biz plan and ad kit.
- I save so much money and am able to pay of my debt quicker than I had anticipated!
- I discover a sexyness and passion inside me that I once believe was only achievable through drinking.
- I am a thoughtful, supportive, and caring girlfriend who can be there for Karl and really make him feel seen/heard.
- I am a thoughtful caring friend who makes time for her friends and lets them know I’m thinking about them.
- I plan and execute my days/weeks with a good balance between work/play.
30 day Vision Statement:
- I wake up feeling excited about my recovery. It’s a recovery from drinking, but most importantly, a spiritual recovery. I live every single day with a sense of purpose and contribution, of service to others. I am treating myself, and those around me, with unconditional love. I am spilling over with gratitude. I am healthy, inside and out. I am light. I am love.