Let me begin by just saying I had the greatest day yesterday! Got offered an article for Forbes Travel (passed it onto Terra but STILL!)
Then I made a point to make time for all the things. Recovery. The Journal. When I got too distracted I went and vacuumed out my car (only took 20 minutes after all that procrastination), ran by the lake, posted to TJ IG, had a REALLY intense but incredibly rewarding workout, went to a mixer and got SUPER inspired for the Journal, and had a great close the the evening hanging out with Heather.
The mixer was Tahoe Mountain Lab’s grand opening. I was hestiant to go at first. You know how I am. I feel insecure and fear-filled about assuming everybody things TTJ or I am a joke, etc. Plus the OutdoorGearLab peeps new offices are there and so there was that.
But I had to look into the basis of where these fears came from, and realized that this was something I probably needed to go to. Plus I had Terra in case I didn’t know anyone.
Anyways, I had a guy who recognized me from TTJ run up to me and profusely compliment my work and TTJ. HUGE FAN. He works for the TRPA. I was seriously floored.
Got tons of compliments galore. I had a great time catching up with old compadres. Ran into Ryan. It was awesome. And I craved wine for but a fleeting moment (mostly because it was free) but nothing too intense. I was such a relief to not be in that scheming, how-am-i-going-to-sneak-wine mode. I remembered that Laura that I want to be, and stuck with her. I had a great time regardless. Tons of energy. I know I got it, and I got it without wine. WEEEEEE.
Had the HARDEST time going to sleep because I was positively buzzing.
Anyways, back to my 30 day work.
The Total Truth Process
It hurt me when you thought of I wasn’t good enough. It’s painful when I feel like I can’t live up to your expectations. I’m scared I’ll never live up to your expectations. I’m worried I’ll always feel squashed under my own overwhelming sense of inadequacy.
Please forgive me for putting that pressure on you. I’m sorry for the times I’ve made you feel inadequate, or projected those insecurities onto situations. I’m sorry for all the demands and judgements I’ve placed on you.
I’m sorry for putting you through that pain. I’m sorry for the shame, anxiety, and guilt. I never meant to make you feel like less.
I want to see you happy and successful. I want to see you flourish. You deserve peace and joy. You are perfect, right now.
We’re going to work on that. I love you as you are today. Not for who I expect you to be tomorrow. We’re going to get through this. I love you.
I release you from all the demands and judgements that have kept you limited. I allow you to be free – to live in joy, love, peace, and recovery. You deserve to have success in life, to experience pleasure, to know that you (and your dreams/goals/work) are worthy and deserve to have what you want (children’s book). You are free.
I release others from any demands and expectations I have placed on them. I choose to be free. I forgive myself, and I forgive others.