How has willpower worked in my sobriety?
In my earlier attempts of quitting drinking, or ‘taking a break’, I relied solely on willpower. Each attempt would successfully last a tad longer than the prior. At first I couldn’t go more than two days. Then two weeks. I managed to quit for a month and then after my DUI I went for a few months. My willpower would be strong when I felt shitty or hungover, but as soon as I felt great again I wanted to drink. I remember I used to DREAD encountering my ‘feeling good’ mind because it was always the one that got me into trouble again.
My Movie Moment:
I would watch my movie moment as it was happening. As I would bring the drink to my hands, or jump in the car to grab that bottle of wine, or begin to crumble to my knowing thoughts of relapse, I would watch on with helplessness. I knew what was coming, the inevitable pain, the stupidity of the choice, but I felt like a slave to my thoughts.
I avoid the negative impact of decision fatique because I have began changing my BELIEFS. Whenever the thought of drinking crosses my mind I think of future Laura, happy Laura, and know that I want to fight for her. I WILL fight for her. I have to remain consistent and steady with doing the work.
The comparison trap.
I used to compare myself to others to fortify my belief that I didn’t have a drinking problem. I am surrounded by constant drinkers so I told myself that it was the norm and socially acceptably if not encouraged. I saw people who were skinny and drank beer and told myself that it had no impact on my weight.