I want to love myself.

You know what I want?

I want to love myself so fiercely, to fight for myself. I want to have so much love and be filled with such overwhelming abundance that I am always enough. I want to never feel threatened because I am love and no longer compare myself to others or associate my value with accomplishment or productivity.

When I feel compelled to do something, whether it’s writing or climbing or biking, I want it to not be from a place of wanting to accomplish something, but from a place that seeks the spiritual nourishment they provide me.  I want work, working out, and writing to be a way of honoring my needs, enjoying play,

I want to be so in tune with myself that I know, from a place of values, exactly what I need to do in that moment.

I am compassionate and forgiving with myself. I realize that I am but an infant in this journey to recovery. I don’t have to be defined by my past. Today, right now, is what I have, and there is incredible power in that.

Meditate on that love for yourself. Meditate on self-compassion, on discovering inherent joy. On realizing you have all the tools and answers INSIDE of you.

A look into my beliefs:

Visiting the in-laws. On Easter, I felt so overwhelmed by my own projected inadequacy with Karl’s parents. I take on the victim role and assume the worse in the way they percieve me. The struggle resulted from my resistance to their imaginary perception of me that I imposed myself. I realized this last time that, hey, it’s probably going to be a while before we find our flow, but that’s ok. I’ve proven that I can hang out, and observe how I feel without identifying with it. Yes, I thought about drinking or imagined it a bit on the last trip, but that was the extent of that. I don’t need to project my insecuritied onto them, it’s not only unfair to me but unfair to them.

Triggers:

 

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